Quote:From the cheap seats of AFL commentary

Another season in the books. Time to take a look at the year's efforts in the noble field of footy commentary.

All opinions are solely the province of your humble columnist, and as likely as not, represent those of nobody else whatsoever.

This time, match announcers, next week the special comments guys.

BRUCE McAVANEY – There's an old expression, "The less said the better", and there's nothing in that aphorism that couldn't improve The Bruce's match calls. Not every idea that pops into anyone's head is gold. You all saw Donald Trump in the first Presidential Debate. And maybe just ease back the throttle on those player nicknames around 300 per cent. Somewhere under all the gusherama​ lies the ghost of a perfectly capable football commentator.

DWAYNE RUSSELL – If Alfred Hitchcock had made a movie about Dwayne, it might have been entitled The Man Who Talked Too Much. Also, regarding the endless leather-lunged shilling for the AFL, the game in question, the attendance and everything else short of the quality of the hot dogs on sale, (a) nobody needs it and (b) that's Sandy Roberts' gig.

BRIAN TAYLOR – The overwhelming impression I get from this caller is that the game gets in the way of putting over himself and his buddies in the booth. It seems barely possible that these priorities are not shared by those subjected to the entertainment stylings of the Brian Taylor Saturday Night Zoo Crew while trying to negotiate a football telecast.

ANTHONY HUDSON – Calls a good, straight footy match. Has the voice for it. Handy at jockeying his calling team. The odd wry humorous touch sneaks in around the edges. A pro.

HAMISH McLACHLAN – When "Hammer" heads off into his all-but-inevitable golf and tennis metaphors during match calls, I'm right with him. I wish he was calling those sports instead too.

ADAM PAPALIA – Guy you maybe didn't recognise who picked up some calling on Fox Footy this year. Clean-voiced, no guff, straight match caller with an obvious knack for it. Sort of Anthony Hudson II – The Adventure Continues.

BASIL ZEMPILAS – This may be bucking the general trend on Big Baz, but the patently unfeigned enthusiasm counts for something, and despite the fashion, he never puts himself over the game. Surgical analysis, well, probably not.

LUKE DARCY – If Stifler hadn't been shifted to co-calling with BT, that would have left him free for even more self-promoting leaden banter sapping the will to live on Saturday nights. Also, purely as a caller, there are worse.

EDDIE McGUIRE – A bit "Hits of the 90s" but still capable anchoring a crew, as long as he and Dermott don't disappear up the alley of "Vintage nightclub battles won and lost".

SANDY ROBERTS – Kind of Basil Zempilas plus about 80 years. Tireless efforts to incorporate the cutting edge footy science jargon of the day deserve comedy category consideration at the Logies.

DENNIS COMETTI – Nobody should constrict their oxygen intake waiting for another one of these to come around.

(10-10-2016, 11:22 AM)bobby link Wrote:McAvaney. Sickening contrived emotion. And listen to him continually asking his co-commentators to agree with him. Bloody irritating. Usually goes something like this ....<insert name> has really stepped up today hasn't he? And then poor well-credentialed colleague usually tries to ignore him.

He is unbearable.